The weirdness of children

There is something about spending your days shut in a room with 25 little people that can make you feel as though you are losing your mind. Actually, let me rephrase that. There are many things about spending your days shut in a room with 25 little people that can make you feel as though you are losing your mind.

One of them is maths.

Last week we were learning about division and multiplication and we have a pretty funky way of dividing larger numbers (not long division thankfully, never did get the hang of that!). Anyway I asked the children to create some "real-life" situation division and multiplication problems that we could put on the wall for the other children to solve. This was all seemingly going well until I called one child up at a time to type up their problems when the following occurred...

Amiable Teacher: (to small blonde boy) So, what is your problem? (tittering to herself at the fact that statement can be taken two ways!)
Small blonde boy: (veeeerrry slooooowwllyyy) Well miss...there were... 243 children...
Amiable teacher: (fingers hovering impatiently over the keyboard but smiling beatifically) yeeeeessss...?
Small blonde boy: and each of them wanted a metal arm. H...
Amiable teacher: (jumping in confused) ooh, is that one of those toy things?
Small blonde boy: (patiently) No...it's an arm...made of metal. With a hole at the top!
Amiable teacher: Oh I see (not really seeing at all). Well, the thing is, that sum would just be 243 times 1 wouldn't it?
Small blonde boy: Yeeesss
Amiable teacher: well, it's just... that's quite an easy calculation isn't it?
Small blonde boy: (humouring me now) I know.
Amiable teacher: (desperately thinking of the 23 other children's problems yet to discuss) Well, couldn't they want four of something? That would be a good calculation wouldn't it?
Small blonde boy: (Disgruntled) Alright. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm........... hmmmm.....urrrrrrr......... (Amiable teacher begins mouthing the word "sweets" over and over in an attempt at subliminal messaging)....ok. Four swords!
Amiable teacher: (putting aside all the practicalities surrounding one small child owning 4 swords, let alone 243 of the little blighters) Fine! Well done, off you go!

Needless to say, once he was out of sight I changed the word "swords" to "sweets" and everyone was happy. Well, I was anyway.

Ironically there is probably a policy somewhere telling me that I should not be encouraging children to fantasize about sweets during maths, but healthy food such as carrot sticks. Even more ironically, I sincerely doubt that anyone has considered the perils of 972 swords in such a confined area (let alone 243 children with metal arms for goodness' sake!).

Dear Tony Blair...