Amy and Amiability

Ah huh huh...

2007-09-24T18:15:00.000+01:00

Over the summer I heard a programme on Radio 4 about Elvis (there's a lot of it about). They said that when Elvis Presley died in 1977, there were an estimated 37 Elvis impersonators in the world. By 1993, there were 48,000 Elvis impersonators, an exponential increase. Extrapolating from this, by 2010 there will be 2.5 billion Elvis impersonators which means that one in three people wil be an Elvis impersonator by 2010.

I am not happy about this. I hope it's not compulsory.

Introducing the Deacon of Dribbly

2007-07-02T22:06:00.000+01:00

I went to Sheffield on Sunday for Ali's ordination which was very exciting (not least because I can't remember the last time I saw her in a skirt, let alone a dress!). Thought I might have to go to Sheffield by dinghy but thankfully the rain held off - right until Brenda and I set off on the ten minute walk back to the car, when it started hailing! Lovely. All in all it was a fab day (although Brenda and I did let ourselves down a little by waving to Ali as she processed in at the beginning of the service- not the done thing apparently, well judging by the fact no one else in the congregation moved a muscle. The shame! )

Dribbly, we are excessively proud of you. I found the most perfect pressie for you whilst out shopping today and will post it a.s.a.p. Needless to say it is eminently suitable for the modern vicar about town! (ahem)

Me and Ali!

Ali and Brenda

Ali, the Bishop and Ali's Dad's shoulder!

The end is nigh...

2007-06-27T22:27:00.000+01:00

I'm going to miss "Not Conner". He has changed over the course of the year, from a rough start, with a reputation as an aggressive little chap with anger management problems to an absolute (although sometimes mischievous) delight. He is an easy-going little miracle, a fantastic conversationalist and a beautiful singer who cares about doing the right thing. He proves to me that, given a fresh start and people around you who have faith in you, you really can achieve anything. However, no chat with him is ever run of the mill.

A few highlights from our conversations over the last couple of weeks

Scene 1 - A group of children have been helping make sweets to sell at the summer fayre. Not Conner has been helping out reliably and carefully; Oompa-Loompas, your jobs are not safe! (It must be pointed out before I start that NC has an elaborate mohican style hair-do!)

Amiable teacher: You have been such a fantastic help today. What on earth am I going to do without you next year?

Not Conner: (thoughtfully) Hmm, I suppose you could dress up someone in your new class so they look like me, then you won't miss me.

AT: I don't think that would be the same

NC: Yes it would! It's easy, just tell them to pop down Wilko's for some Brylcream: that's all I do anyway.

Scene 2 - An observed literacy lesson. the children are writing suspense type poems based on a scene from a book where a boy goes into the jungle.

AT: Look, I've got you these photographs of the jungle and jungle-type creatures to help you if you are not sure what to describe.

NC: (Picking up a picture showing a selection of brightly coloured poison arrow frogs and studying it carefully) Do you know Miss, the more I look at these, the more I just want to squeeze 'em!

I made a mental note to check whether he has any pets at home.

As threatened, a poem what I wrote...

2007-05-23T17:25:00.000+01:00

Well, strictly speaking I wrote it with my first class during what the National Literacy Strategy rather optimistically calls "Shared Writing". Those of you who have ever had anything to do with 8 year olds will appreciate that, as the poem needed to be in rhyming couplets with approximately the same number of syllables per line and to have some sort of logical story flowing through it I pretty much had to write it myself; believe me it's a classic! Hehe...

Clara Sprout

Who shouted out and died in gruesome circumstances

There was a girl called Clara Sprout
Who was forever shouting out.
Her teacher said, “Your hand must go
Up in the air so that I know
You want to speak. Oh don’t you see
You mustn’t shout out “me me me””

But night and day and day and night
She shouted “me”. It wasn’t right.
Her friends were cross. They got fed up.
“Clara Sprout will not shut up”
They whinged and moaned “We must be free
From girls who shout out “me me me” “

And then one day, it did befall
That teacher took them, one and all
Out to the zoo as a surprise.
The girls could not believe their eyes
When watching crocodiles be fed
The keeper grinned and then he said
“Who is brainy, who is sweet
Who knows what crocodiles do eat?”
From just behind a voice was heard
Cry “me me me” and on that word
The old crock pounced and with a gulp
Chewed Clara Sprout into a pulp.

The tragic tale of Clara Sprout
Must be a warning all about
The gruesome fate that may befall
a little child, short or tall.
If you don’t put your hand up high
To answer your kind teacher’s “why?”
But rather choose to shout out “me!”
You too could die in agony.

Favourite poems... as requested by Teapot

2007-05-19T10:42:00.001+01:00

When I was in Junior school, this was my favourite poem; in fact I think my year six teacher must only have had one poetry book and that was of course "Please Mrs Buter" By Allan Ahlberg!

Please Mrs Butler

Please Mrs Butler

This boy Derek Drew

Keeps copying my work, Miss.

What shall I do?

Go and sit in the hall, dear.

Go and sit in the sink.

Take your books on the roof, my lamb.

Do whatever you think.

Please Mrs Butler

This boy Derek Drew

Keeps taking my rubber, Miss.

What shall I do?

Keep it in your hand, dear.

Hide it up your vest.

Swallow it if you like, love.

Do what you think best.

Please Mrs Butler

This boy Derek Drew

Keeps calling me rude names, Miss.

What shall I do?

Lock yourself in the cupboard, dear.

Run away to sea.

Do whatever you can, my flower.

But don't ask me!

Allan Ahlberg

I'm not really sure what we all loved about it but I think it was probably the mention of underwear in the fourth stanza! It was definitely a poem that defined my generation. What does that say about us!?!

Nowadays, of course, I have the privilege of being in a job which means I have to read poems regularly. A few years back I had a year 1 class (a noisy rabble of five and six year olds; some of whom will, next year, be my noisy rabble of ten and eleven year olds) and this was their favourite poem. They used to say it at the tops of their voices with such great facial expressions. Hmm I wonder if they still remember it...

Oh Soggy Greens

Oh, soggy greens I hate you,

I hate your sloppy slush,

And if my mum would let me,

I'd throw you in a bush.

Oh, apple pie I love you,

I love your crunchy crust,

And if my mum would let me,

I'd eat you till I bust.

John Cunliffe (who also created Postman Pat!)

Goodness I could go on and on. Viv, you have opened a floodgate! I may have to add some more at a later date but just one more before I go, which is one of my current class's favourites, Jabberwocky. As they are completely bonkers themselves, this poem makes complete sense to them. Click on the link below where you can not only read it in "English" but translated into many other languages - fascinating!

Doh! It was glorious sunshine when I sat down to do this and now it is raining torrentially. It seems that, yet again, I have missed the daily, five-minute lawn-mowing window of opportunity.

Evidence that my class really have lost it...

2007-05-16T18:42:00.000+01:00

Overheard today. One ten year old boy to another.

"Have you ever thought what it must be like to be in Girls Aloud?"

Honestly, I ask you...
Three more tests to go.

Evidence my class/colleagues are losing it in the run-up to SATs #1

2007-04-27T22:06:00.000+01:00

One child (not realising anyone could see him) walking out of the computer suite in what can only be described as the style of a Thunderbird puppet.
Me mistakenly telling my class to "make sure you are looking at someone else's answers" (obviously I meant to say "make sure you AREN'T looking at anyone else's answers")
The corridors ringing with the sounds of teachers crying " Why would you write that...Why? Why?"
And "Why are you making up your own methods for addition, subtraction etc on the spot when you could be using the ones you have been perfecting for the last 5 years? Why? Why?"
and many other similar semi-hysterical rhetorical questions.
A boy taking the same reading test twice in 24 hours and it not even seeming vaguely familiar the second time (in fact he scored 6 points fewer)
Aforementioned "Thunderbird" disturbing whole class by pausing briefly in his writing, singing "Ta-da!" and starting his writing again as if nothing had happened.
Random outbreaks of shimmying/ nervous humming (mainly the children but it's early days!)
A small boy timing the strokes of his writing to the theme of the A-team (which he maintains he didn't even realising he was doing)
Me wondering how on earth I will get round my hobbit-hole of a classroom with all the desks spread out exam style without having to use a metre stick to pole vault over them.
The children taking half an hour to calm down after me suggesting the meter-stick/pole vaulting combi.
Me taking half an hour to calm down having realised their laughter was totally unfounded as no-one actually knew what pole-vaulting was.

8 school days to go.

The Lady with the Limp: Things I never knew about the work of Florence Nightingale...

2007-04-24T19:39:00.000+01:00

Here follow some quotes from the newspaper reports on Florence Nightingale, written by my class. It is amazing how many things I did not know about her life:

One of the boys in my class actually WAS a nurse during the Crimean War "Florence Nightingale reported that my work had been made more difficult by the terrible conditions" I must say he looks good on it!

Florence Nightingale was a keen cooker of Chinese food: "Florence Nightingale reported that her wok had been greatly affected by the unhygienic hospitals"

Heaven help us: SATS are only a few weeks away.

p.s. Real facts that I happen to like about Florrie N

She drew the long straw being born in Florence; her poor sister was born in Naples and had to put up with being called Parthenope (the Greek name for Naples). There will be a small prize available for the person who can come up with the worst place to be born if your parents insist on naming you after that place! (Bognor anyone?)

She invented the pie chart. Yes, thanks to dear old Flozza, I have to try and get 11 year olds to understand the concept of 360 degrees in a circle, each degree representing a different number of people, depending on how many people the pie chart is talking about of course and then to work out how many people each section of the chart represents and that even if both pie charts show that half the children in each class like cheese and onion crisps best, this does not mean that the same number of children in each class like cheese and onion because each circle may not represent the same number of children...If only she'd stuck to Chinese cookery and not branched out into pie-making!

She was apparently not the angelic character we have been led to believe - hehe.

Will I ever REALLY learn?

2007-04-18T19:40:00.000+01:00

Well, I was looking back just a moment ago at the list of things I had supposedly learnt during February half term and found it interesting how my life seems to be very much of the one step forward, two steps back variety. Another half term and its holiday have passed by (along with a big-ish birthday) and surprise, surprise I would appear to have fallen into many of the same traps again! Here is the addendum to the previous list:

1. Diaries are absolutely no use if all you have done is stuck in the free stickers from "Autosport" magazine telling you when the Grand Prix are and then left it under the sofa for another 6 weeks.

2. I may not have needed to buy any t-shirts but I have in fact bought about 5. And a new bag (see above) which I didn't need either.

6. Keeping loose change in your jeans pockets is easier; even though I know it will be a real nuisance scrabbling about under the bed for it all, at the time, those extra few seconds I gain in bed from not wasting 4 or 5 seconds removing the money as I remove my jeans seems worth it.

16. I cannot play in 6 flats either, ref. "Songs from the Shows" circa March 2007.

20. Housemaid's knee does not go away when you stop housework and in fact can morph into "school teacher's knee" under the correct conditions. Still at least my dramatic limping everytime I get up from kneeling seemed to amuse my family over the holidays.

So that's about it. On a different subject we are spending loads of time practising for SATS at school at the moment (16 days to go) and I managed to inadvertantly make a political statement about the writing papers by getting my tongue in a twist and calling a "short writing task" a "shite writing task". Oops.

In the meantime...

2007-04-14T16:03:00.000+01:00

I have some Spring Harvest-based bloggin' in the pipeline as promised but in the meantime, the Vicar of Wibbly sent me this link (click on the Nun!)

Every day's a school day...

2007-02-19T18:16:00.000Z

So, having totally messed up my plans for doing anything nice this half term, I spent most of the week sorting out my house, throwing things away, sending things to charity shops, visiting the tip etc. I learnt many things this week so fasten your seatbelts!

Diaries are there to be used and it is your own silly fault if you mess up your holiday by failing to consult one.

I need not buy any t-shirts for many months.

I need not buy any socks for many months.

It is extremely demoralising trying to iron a king-size duvet cover on a small ironing board.

Changing the hoover bag is a much more cost-effective way of improving suction than buying a new hoover.

Keeping loose change in your jeans pockets is not "easier" it only results in much time spent scrabbling under the bed retrieving aformentioned change.

I have far too many 2p pieces.

Sometimes when you tidy your house you can find £85 pounds in loose change, unpaid-in cheques and freshly washed notes; this is not to be sneezed at.

The dust under my bed is something to be sneezed at. So I did.

"Magic Lemon Pudding" actually IS magic (or at least some very cunning science).

According to the critics, my Magic Lemon Pudding is "fantastique".

Charity shop collection bags never come through the door when you need them.

Charity shops are always situated as far from public car parks as is physically possible.

My downstairs toilet is a good place to keep donated clothes until a charity bag arrives.

I need not buy any more necklaces ever (unless I find one in a colour that I haven't already got, or it is REALLY pretty, or I buy some new clothes and none of my current necklaces match).

I cannot play piano music in 3 flats. 2 flats - Yes, 4 flats - Yes, 3 flats - no.

My cake tins produce a cake that is slightly too big for my tupperware cake storing box, no matter how much you squeeze.

"Magic Lemon Pudding" makes a delicious and nutritious alternative to breakfast.

So does slightly squashed coffee cake.

Housemaid's knee is a very real problem for the modern girl about the house, even if she only does house work once every 18 months.

Well, that's about all I can think of at the moment but I'll keep you posted if I remember anything else.

Hmm...

2007-02-09T17:19:00.000Z

So this was the BBC weather forecast for Lichfield today.

In case you can't read that it says "Friday's predominant weather is forecast to be sunny intervals."

How then would you explain this...

this...
and this?

All of which has arrived since lunchtime as by then yesterday's dumping had nearly gone. And before you ask. Yes I did have to go into work and yes we were possbily the only school open in the whole of Lichfield. We made a fabulous snowman though; he was nearly as tall as me! Obviously I had to go out and play in the snow as, having been brought up on the South coast, there was always a definite shortage of the cold, white stuff (as my poor sister is now discovering)

A good egg?

2007-01-25T19:17:00.000Z

Today I found a Cadbury's Mini Egg that was exactly the same shade of purple as the jumper I was wearing.

Seemed a shame to eat it really, but somehow I managed. They really are bite-sized parcels of Cadbury heaven!

An ill wind that blows no good...

2007-01-18T22:56:00.000Z

Erm, has anybody seen a dark green tarpaulin which was, until yesterday, securely fastened around my patio set? It is missing, presumed entangled in someone's prize rose bush or floating serenely through the Lichfield sky humming "Nobody does it better" to itself.

* Ok I'll admit it: the picture of Daniel Craig is almost entirely gratuitous (although no one can deny he is more asthetically pleasing than Roger Moore)

I should be working but...

2007-01-16T20:19:00.000Z

I realised today what the problem was with the "individual research" projects my class have been doing about a famous river. You see they have been working on it for weeks; finding information on the internet/in books etc and putting into a format of their choice (PowerPoint, Photo Story, Publisher, handwritten.). The only trouble is that every time I have checked up in their computer files they have made very little progress. Now this has been going on since before Christmas and, what with SATs looming, my colleague and I are getting somewhat desparate for the children to finish them. So today I booked the computer suite and watched their "research" skills closely. As a result I have come up with what I hope is a definitive set of instructions that I can use for the rest of the year...

1) Stick to looking for the things on the checklist you were given at the beginning of the project (even if a flashing box comes up saying you have won a computer/$10,000 at an online casino or if upon searching for a picture in google you happen upon someone's holiday snaps and decide you might peruse them incase they went anywhere else interesting or have quite a nice car that will distract you for a few minutes)

2) Search specifically (i.e. don't just put "river" into google if you want to find out where the source of the River Shannon is or which states the Mississippi flows through)

3) Read and jot down what you find out. Don't just glance at the page, excitedly tell your teacher you've something interesting (so she thinks you are doing some actual work) and then move on without having actually read any of it. The point of searching is to find.

4) NO-ONE under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES is to alter the background/font/slide order/slide transition/sound effects/ animation or ANYTHING on a PowerPoint that is to all intents and purposes BLANK

5) In fact NO-ONE under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES is to alter the background/font/slide order/slide transition/sound effects/ animation or ANYTHING on a PowerPoint full stop until they have enough notes to complete the project.

6) No one is to work with "Not Connor" who can work beautifully on his own but turns into a complete nuisance when anyone is within 1 metre of him.

7) Your teacher will not even discuss with you potential background colours and text colour schemes until the text part is finished - even if you pretend you are going to give it a pink, fading to purple background with a light green font.

8) Learn how to spell the name of your river. If you're researching the "Congo" and all Google throws up at you is pictures of people in party hats, kicking their legs about, you have not spelt it correctly.

It was quite an enlightening hour, I can tell you.

Raikkonen at Ferrari

2007-01-10T21:46:00.000Z

Hehe, I had to chuckle to myself when I saw this photo of Kimi Raikkonen in his new Ferrari overalls today. Being a fairly typical Finnish racing driver, the icy-grey McLaren overalls seemed to suit him down to the ground. If he can't cope with putting any intonation in his voice, how on earth is he going to cope looking like this day in day out?! The poor boy is squinting already. Mind you perhaps a bit of that Italian passion is what's missing in his life.

One week down...

2007-01-05T16:47:00.000Z

Breakfasts: 2 (mmm, crunchy nut cornflakes)

Times shouted at children: 3 (but once was not my class so surely that doesn't count?)

Times cleaned out guinea pigs: 0

All in all not a terribly eventful week but I thought you might like to see this piece of work two of the boys in my class did. We are starting a technology project on shelters so I asked them to write down what they already knew. To be honest I was expecting information on structures; materials; shelters around the world.

That was not what I got.

Sorry if it is a bit too small to read. I only took a screen shot of it and can't be bothered to type it all out!

First day of school

2007-01-03T18:30:00.000Z

Well, I made it through but it was a close one. I managed to break the new year's resolution I made last night by 7.30am when I left the house without breakfast (I look forward to yet more haranguing from everyone about it being "the most important meal of the day"!). I did my best but I swear my entire body was in shock from being up so early. In my opinion it is utterly wrong to leave for work in the dark and return in the dark so I am putting in a petition for my hours to be from 12pm til 1pm until further notice just to be on the safe side.

Tonight I am supposed to be tidying my entire house as my Australian friend (who is actually from County Durham but let's not be picky!) is arriving tomorrow to sample my hospitality for a few days. She really knows how to pick her times (as I shall point out when she arrives!). Not only has she chosen to come on my second day back at work in 2007 but she is arriving on the night of the long-awaited, 1hour and 50 minute long, Green Wing final ever installment and, get this...SHE HAS NO INTEREST IN IT WHATSOEVER! I have told her she will have to sit with her finger on her lips for the duration whilst I sit in my "Ooh Colin Firth is on the telly" mode i.e. on the floor, really close to the television looking up at it adoringly!

NB Just in case I have panicked or over-excited anybody with that last comment; Colin Firth is not, I repeat NOT in the final episode of Green Wing.

A new laundry-based trauma...

2007-01-01T13:04:00.000Z

Do you remember that game "Buckaroo" that someone always used to bring in on the last day of term? I don't remember the precise rules as I have never really been one for those stress inducing type games where silence and tension is suddenly broken by an almighty clattering(see also: Jenga; Mousetrap; Kerplunk - even Twister if you are not quite playing properly!). Anyway the premise is that there is some sort of horsey/donkey thing and you have to keep adding luggage carefully until it has had enough when it will suddenly "Buckeroooo!" and everything goes flying off. The last person to place a piece of luggage is the loser and is ridiculed (while secretly everyone else is relieved that they are not unlucky enough to be the cack-handed, clumsy oaf that set it off.

The reason for that unneccesarily long preamble was that I have had another laundry crisis. this time is it my clothes airer which is one of those ones with 3 arms that looks a little bit like a rotary drier but smaller. Anyway to cut a long story short; it is broken. Now I didn't break it (well not initially anyway) it has always (for the 3 weeks I have owned it) been a bit on the weedy side but now, in an attempt to sort it "once and for all" I have properly broken it. The result being that the only thing that holds it up now is a wish and a prayer (always best to cover these things from both angles just in case!).

This means that now, hanging up my washing to dry holds many of the same stresses as that infernal game. First I have to set up the airer to the correct height then tiptoe around the room in case a slightly loose floor board should move and cause it to collapse. As I hook each hanger on to one of the arms (making sure the weight is spread evenly of course, any hardened Buckaroo play knows to spread the load) I hold my breath to see if the airer will take the strain. If it does I breath a sigh of relief (not too big though as a sudden blast of air can also cause it to collapse) and start on the next item. If, heaven forbid, the airer does collapse, it is impossible to reassemble with all the wet clothes on it so I have to take them all off and start again.

At least at school there was a fairly even chance that anyone could lose at Buckaroo, in the "Amy versus the Airer" game there is only ever one loser!

Oh, and happy new year!

My New Year's Challenge

2006-12-29T17:40:00.000Z

Well it's that time of year where it is traditional to reflect on the year that has passed; what we have learnt, seen, done etc. However, I have really not had time for any of that yet as having just returned from Bournemouth I am immediately faced with the same quandry that has been challenging me for months.

Where on earth is all my underwear?

Now the thing is I live on my own, so wherever it is, it MUST be where I put it but can I find any?

I always seem to be putting stuff in the wash, hanging it up to dry and taking it off the drier but somewhere between the drier and the drawers in my bedroom there must be the equivalent of the bermuda triangle for underwear (or perhaps I should call it the "bermuda shorts" triangle - although I can assure you I have never worn or owned a pair bermuda shorts. To be honest I'm not even sure what they are!)

In an attempt to rectify the problem I have found myself in the past doing what one should never do; buying new stuff. Unfortunately it appears this is analagous to buying a starving man a fish when one should really be buying him a fishing rod. It is only a sticking plaster solution. And more to the point the new stuff goes missing as well! Honestly, there are people starving in the world and I am spending large proportions of my salary on pants! So I am determined that before this year is out I will seek out all my underwear. I will leave no stone unturned (although I really hope they aren't in the garden - ew) until we are reunited. Think of me: I may be gone some time.

Woo Hoo and Ooh Noo!

2006-12-19T18:10:00.000Z

My new ipod has arrived! I ordered it from the lovely Amazon.co.uk at 5.30 pm last night and it arrived in my classroom at 11.40 this morning! Hurrah! Unfortunately for my class I was rather over excited about the whole thing and made them track the ipod's progress across the country on the internet all morning! (I did also let them watch "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" though)

The Christmas preparations aren't quite going to plan as I have not written a single card and, as last night was going to be the last time I saw some people before Christmas, I took my box of cards to the pub with me to write in front of them (classy eh?). Anyway, I totally forgot the cards were in the bag, gave the bag of presents away; the final result being that I am in Lichfield and my Christmas cards are in Great Barr. Grrr. Not fancying a 16 mile round journey so have had to go out and buy more cards which I probably still won't get round to writing. Hmm, at least am well prepared for next year.

Anyway don't know what I'm doing hanging about on here when I should be spending quality time with my ipod. Ahem, I mean of course, wrapping presents, writing cards marking assessments and finding something to wear for our staff Christmas party tomorrow night!

And the results are...

2006-12-13T17:49:00.000Z

Most people seem to want me to have a party, which is fine. You can have one. I am going somewhere else. Not sure why I put party as an option really as I can't bear them! Well, that's not strictly true. I don't mind other people's parties too much but not my own.

Sorry for lack of posting. Lots to do. 2 performances of Christmas Production and the school Christmas party out of the way. Once the cabarets and services are over I should have more time. Oh, except there is that little matter of Christmas too.

I'll meet you on the other side!

oh and p.s. I suspect someone has been multiple voting on the poll, mentioning no names...

Reasons to love Dublin #1

2006-12-03T19:55:00.000Z

Why is it that more funny things seem to happen when one is on holiday than when one is going about your normal daily business? Is it that you are more relaxed and therefore notice the funny things? Is it because people abroad are funnier than English people? Is it because the English abroad do such ridiculous things that they would never do at home? I don't know but I keep a book of amusing things that have happened on my (limited) travels over the years and a quick browse through it rarely fails to cheer me up. Anyway, thinking about my forthcoming significant birthday and how to celebrate it reminded me of something that happened on a trip to Dublin a couple of years ago.

The Vicar of Wibbly (who was not a vicar then, so shall, for the purposes of this anecdote be called "Wibbly") and I were in Dublin for a long weekend and were very kindly invited to go and visit Gizmo and his wife. He told us which bus to get and where to get off it so that he could meet us and take us back to his house. The instructions were fairly simple; get on the bus outside Trinity College, get off at the Swan Centre.

So Wibbly and I dutifully got on the bus and bought our tickets. I then had the following conversation with the bus driver.

Amy: We've been told we need to get off the bus at the Swan Centre. How will we know when we are there?
Bus Driver: (thinking) ummm
Amy: Is it quite a big shopping centre?
Bus Driver: It's about ten minutes down the road
Amy: Will it be obvious when we are there?
Bus Driver: We'll be there in about 10 minutes
Amy: (getting frustrated now and speaking with a hint of desperation in her voice) So am I supposed to just get off the bus in ten minutes time and hope for the best?!
Bus Driver: Yep, ten minutes is about right.

Honestly! The man had so much faith in his timetable that he couldn't conceive we could possibly be slightly delayed or ahead of schedule and therefore we might get off in the wrong place! Fortunately a local woman overheard the conversation and agreed to tell us when we were nearly there (after only about 7 and a half minutes actually so it was a jolly good job we didn't just get off after 10 as we'd have had a long walk ahead of us!)

'Tis the season to have no time to blog

2006-12-02T14:29:00.000Z

Well as you have probably guessed by the lack of blogs in the past few weeks, not a lot has been going on here. Well, actually loads of stuff has been going on but nothing that was interesting enough to blog about (and I know you're all thinking "You mean she doesn't just write down any old drivel that comes into her head?" Well I don't, so stop that!)

Anyway here are the main points of the last couple of weeks:

went to church
went to work
practised the Christmas play
shouted at children for lack lustre singing
laughed at some of the "coolest" year 6 lads learning a chicken dance
laughed at Mrs Joint demonstrating aforementioned chicken dance
got ill
was hot
was hotter
was hotter still
slept lots
got better
saw a James Bond film I actually liked (and contemplated a holiday in Montenegro)
went to church
went to work
practised the Christmas play
shouted at children for lack lustre singing
laughed at some of the "coolest" year 6 girls learning a Bollywood dance
laughed at Mrs Joint demonstrating aforementioned
Bollywood dance
had a party

So that's it and it has saved you a fortnight's worth of reading! Thanks to everyone who came to the party, it was really good to see you all and thank you for eating as much as you did; leaving me with fairly minimal clearing up!

Some photos will follow when Blogger gets its act together and will allow me to upload them (and perhaps it will display the bullet points I have added too). For now I have put them in Flickr over on the right there. I have kept the dodgier photos back for strategic purposes - yes folks, these are the less dodgy ones!)

Another birthday!

2006-11-15T22:51:00.000Z

Happy Birthday Bro!

Hope you have a good one. You know I will revel in the next 4 months and 1 day as it is that special time of year when you are only one year younger than me! (Remember how I used to hate it when you were only one year younger 'cos you used to say things like "You can't boss me around now"? Well strangely enough, now I LOVE it!)

As you requested ScubaSis...

2006-11-14T18:53:00.000Z

I'm afraid I don't have many photos of me when I was little as they are all at Mum and Dad's house (shame!). However, I do have these because last Christmas The Boss celebrated his 21st anniversary of working at our school and as a lovely treat we put up pictures of what we looked like 21 years ago (needless to say we exaggerated slightly so he could appreciate fully just how long ago that was!) so I have these two scanned in. I'm not really sure how old I am in them but the first one was while we still lived in Weston-Super-Mare so I must be 4 or 5 whereas the second one was taken in Bournemouth, perhaps in year 3?

And Robin, if you're reading, it was Dad who chopped you off the photos, not me although I'm quite glad as you would outcute me hands down!

Not a lot...

2006-11-11T20:36:00.000Z

Well I've not been up to much except for working. I can't believe it is only two weeks since half term, my "life on the ocean wave" seems like months ago. I have been living by seat of my pants this week as we have been awaiting the delivery of the Christmas play and I was getting decidedly panicky when it hadn't arrived by friday lunchtime (4 weeks to go to get it ready to perform). Thankfully it came on Friday and so we can finally get started.

In other news, today I bought the amiable guinea pigs some new quarters. A slight downgrade size-wise but otherwise fairly swanky I think you'll agree! Also they stand more of a chance of having it cleaned more regularly as I can actually lift this one without dislocating my shoulders!

Just for you Abi (again!)

2006-11-07T23:10:00.000Z

Well you said you thought that the previous picture of you was horrible so I thought you might prefer this one. Don't worry, it's just between you and me (and my hundreds of adoring fans who read this blog!)

Better?

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you...

2006-11-06T19:40:00.000Z

Happy Birthday dear ABIGAIL...

Happy Birthday to you.

This is your own, dedicated blog entry, you lovely pre-teen! I can't believe you are 12 already! More to the point I can't believe it is 12 years since Robin and I stayed up all night watching episodes of "Drop the Dead Donkey" and he threw that alarm clock at my nose! You have got a lot to answer for you know. I hope you have a lovely day.
Speak to you soon Angel-Pie! xx

p.s. tried to get you a Costa Coffee gift voucher so you could have a birthday frescato on me but, would you believe, they don't sell them!

An unusual end to the weekend

2006-11-06T18:39:00.000Z

Well, it's not every weekend that an elderly "comedian" ridicules you publicly in a place of worship. My lovely new cardy will not be seeing the light of day for a few weeks until I have put the trauma behind me. For those of you who were not lucky enough to have ring side seats for this happy event , let me explain.

Tommy Cannon (as in Cannon and Ball) was at church last night, talking about how he became a Christian and stuff but decided that anyone who so much as moved in the audience would get commented on. The music group had been playing at the beginning of the service and I had got really warm cos I was nervous but once I had been sitting for a while listening to the "comedy" I got a bit chilly and went to put my cardigan on. That was my first mistake. I then had to endure Mr Cannon asking me if I was leaving (I would have loved to actually at that point but felt it would be rude. If only I had know rudeness was the order of the day!) and then just went on and on and on for what felt like 5 minutes about my cardigan and stuff which was REALLY embarrassing. And not in a "oh good I'm getting lots of attention" embarrassing way but in a crippling "please stop talking about me and thinking about me and making other people look at me and think about me" way. It was so awful.

Anyway it got me thinking about this whole "celebrity" thing and how annoying it is that as soon as people become famous their opinion on everything is suddenly really important. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to listen to Michael Schumacher discuss the pros and cons of traction control and to Anthony Hopkins' thoughts on the state of the British Film making because that's their field of expertise but should they be given the same platform to talk about stuff they don't really know that much about? Hmm. And again don't get me wrong because I know that there are famous people out there who do a great job: they are knowledgeable about world issues and they use their fame to highlight issues that may not otherwise reach such a wide audience. I'm waffling but I suppose what I really mean is...What was so wrong with my cardigan and shouldn't I be allowed to wear it in peace, without fear of persecution?!

p.s. apart from that I had a lovely weekend full of fireworks and yummy food. Thanks everyone!

Nativity Nightmares

2006-11-01T20:50:00.000Z

I have been inspired by some of the comments on my previous post to reminisce over Christmas Productions past. It's amazing how many funny things happen and you think you've forgotten them but they're all stored away there somewhere. Fortunately for me, as I was always the narrator when I was at school, none of them actually involve me directly but since I became a teacher the mistakes have strangely flowed thick and fast from the children. Hmm.

Ok, coming up first...
1. Imagine our school hall as a piece of A4 paper, lying landscape before you. On the left hand corner, furthest away from you is the piano, where I was sitting. and to the right of that would be the stage. During one infant production, the main characters were all on the stage in a sort of Nativity tableau. You know the kind of thing; baby Jesus at the front, Mary and Joseph looking down at him adoringly, then a random assortment of shepherds in dressing gowns and wise men with jewelled crowns made from Quality Street wrappers kneeling up behind them... Anyhoo, they were all singing a twee little song (grr) which I was accompanying when I noticed a slight disturbance coming from the back of the stage. Because of my location (to one side of the performers, rather than in front like the other teachers) I could see what no one else could see. That one of the Wise Men had, rather unwisely it has to be said, leant back and found only a curtain behind him instead of the pillar he was expecting and had tumbled off the stage backwards. Imagine my dilemma. I was the only person who knew this had happened (Year 2 children are only worried about themselves really, so none of his colleagues had noticed) and I was in the middle of playing a song. Furthermore, all that was now visible of the unwise man were his feet sticking up in the air (there not being actually much room behind the stage he was sort of folded up like a small, rather rotund yet beautifully bejewelled deck chair!) which was incredibly funny. Now, in my years of teaching I have learnt that parents do not generally like to see teachers laughing at their children when they are in mortal danger so I had to try not to laugh. I sort of managed that but the concentration I was using to not laugh had to come from somewhere. It came from the reserve I was using to play the ridiculously twee little carol. Those of you who know me well might be surprised to learn that in some circles I am considered to be a highly profficient pianist (I know! It's all relative of course) so fortunately, the bum notes I hit drew the attention of another teacher and I was able to draw her attention to the kingly pair of Clarks shoes only just visible in the gap between Shepherd 3 and Wise man 2. She in turn signalled to a teaching assistant who hoiked him back to his feet and everything was fine (except perhaps my reputation as an infallible pianist)

2. Don't worry this one is shorter and certainly not the first time it has happened in a Christmas play, but the first time it has happened to me. One of the children playing a main part was recapping on the story so far and informed the audience that the baby had been given gift of gold, FRANKENSTEIN and myrrh.

3. Last year, Mary's dad (don't ask, it was a fairly modern version of the traditional story) raised a glass to the baby Jesus in which he was supposed to say "To the best little lad in the world" but instead said "to the best looking lad in the world!" This was the same production where Mary, obviously tired and overwhelmed by the pressures of a new baby at the tender age of 10 and a half, picked up the baby Jesus by his little plastic head. Oh, and while everyone else was barefoot to add a degree of realism, she refused to take her socks off.

Roll on 21st December when I'll be safe for another year!

p.s. anyone know why blogger won't let me upload pictures at the moment? Answers on a postcard...

The Vicar of Wibbly hath spoken...

2006-10-30T23:10:00.000Z

(ps Ali, that is my new name for you in case you decide to start a blog of your own!)

So I have bowed to peer pressure and changed my display photo having received an email today from "She who must be obeyed". S.W.M.B.O. must be obeyed for three reasons

She is my oldest (well, longest serving) friend
She will soon be a vicar
She knows too much

The e mail read as follows...

"though i have tended to eschew (??sp? or is that how you spell a sneeze?!) blogs in general, have just snuck a quick peek at yours, and might i say that it is quite amusing! Lovely photo of you in front of your name on the beach the other day. Think you should replace frankly disturbing photo of you with bin taped to your head with this more flattering, and much more amy-like pic. i know you are mad, and it's important to have a picture that shows that, but you are also quite sane at times, you know!!"

From reading that it will be clear to you that Ali has not been initiated into the cult of Green Wing (and perhaps it is better for the future of the Cof E if she remains that way!) as that "disturbing...bin taped to your head" is, of course, the Topmiler, which I spent many happy hours making for Telly Addict's birthday. Anyhoo I have taken her advice and changed the photo for now.

Interesting day today as I turned up at work not having a clue what I was going to be doing and spent the afternoon teaching the children Christmas carols.

And so it begins, the slow descent into glitter-covered, tea towel wearing madness.

Holiday club and some fairly shameless stereotyping

2006-10-27T18:09:00.000+01:00

Well I have had a fab week taking part in the holiday club and now I am convinced that "sailor chic" is the look for me. Think gaudy yellow bandana, think tatty plaited pigtails, think hooped earrings...oh yes. It's a great look.

I was responsible for a group of seven Year 4 boys who were great fun. One in particular seems to have all the skills in place for charming the ladies when he's older as, while Karen was praying with them today he leant over to me and whispered "Did you have your hair done yesterday?" The answer was yes, I had, and at great personal expense (more than I'd planned actually as I left a brand new hardback book at the hairdresser's by mistake - yes Dan it was the Karl Pilkington one!). He was in fact the only male in the vicinity who had noticed, or at least was the only one who bothered to comment!

I won't make one of those "huh, typical men" comments as I know certain men of my acquaintance don't like it as they feel it is blah blah derogatory blah blah tars with the same brush blah blah men are supposed to be different blah. However I would like to point out that if they would only stop conforming to these stereotypes for a few minutes I might be able to stop bandying them about.

Now the lesson today was about being merciful because apparently when we show mercy, God is merciful to us. Hmm, better get started on that then. Anyway, perhaps the hair looks terrible and they were all just trying to protect my feelings...

What a week!

2006-10-24T19:12:00.000+01:00

Me on the beach!

Phew, well the last week of term was really hectic as it involved Parents' evening, a lesson observation by the Deputy Head and the Harvest Assembly, for which I really didn't have to do much except turn up and bash out a couple of songs on the piano, but the stress of it seemed to permeate the whole school. Then on Friday I went down to Bournemouth, where Mum and Dad have a flat which they kindly lent me, with some friends and their children. We had a fantastic time. The beach restaurant just opposite the flat makes amazing breakfasts (although by the time we got round to going to the restaurant it was more like lunchtime!) and their "lighter breakfast" of sausage, egg and toast turned out to be 2 HUGE sausages, 2 fried eggs and about 24 bits of toast! I shall not be eating for a few days yet. The weather was a fantastic mix of Autumnal (threatening grey skies, crashing waves, slightly peeved looking seagulls pretending that yes, they did actually intend to go that way and no, it was not just the wind) and late summer (golden sunrise, lapping waves and no need for a jumper). It was really good to relax and take our minds off work and none of us could believe we had only been away for 3 days when it was time to pack up and leave. This week, for all you land lubbers who don't know, I'm helping out with the holiday club at church which has a sea faring theme. Ah ha me hearties etc etc. It's a long time since I've helped with a holiday club (my career choice meaning that I would usually rather steer clear of children during my holidays) but it was great and certainly the most high-brow club I've been invovled in. Whatever happened to the days of making a bookmark out of that thin, pastel coloured card or a picture using pasta shapes and (if you were REALLY lucky) a can of gold spray paint!?

The view from the balcony - Sunrise over the Isle of Wight

Only Smarties have the answer!

2006-10-14T22:31:00.000+01:00

Small Blonde Boy (he of metal arm fame) was unimpressed with my maths lesson on Friday morning. We had given each child a small box of Smarties and asked them to write down what fraction was red, yellow etc. Then they had to see if they could simplify that fraction and find equivalent fractions etc. When that was done, I would go and pinch one of their smarties and then make them do the new fractions. Finally I asked them to make up some problems e.g if 3/8 of my smarties are yellow whilst 2/16 are green what fraction are other colours? As I was scooting round the classroom I happened upon Blondie at his table and had the following conversation...

Amiable Teacher: (cheerfully) So, how's it going?
Small Blonde boy: (silence, shuffling Smarties about)
Amiable Teacher: So, have you got a problem? (meaning had he written one) Small Blonde boy: (disgruntled) Yes. You keep taking my Smarties.

I've got to admit, he had a point!

Drivel, drivel and a bit more Green Wing obsessing.

2006-10-11T21:08:00.000+01:00

Well, there hasn't been a lot going on really (a blog starter that never really bodes well) but thought I would say hello. Today we smashed a coconut on the playground. Honestly, the children were so excited, I wish they'd have a little self-respect. Although, to be frank, I was fairly chipper about it myself. We also ate pancakes in maths (fractions thereof. "If I offered you 2/3 or 4/5 of a pancake, which would you prefer and why?") and made spinners in science. So not your average day at the office I suppose.

I thought I would also share this little gem with you that I came across whilst googling certain lovelies on t'internet. Stephen Mangan and Julian Rhind Tutt (ex-Green Wing, now Barclaycard) in a little cartoon. How cute is this (in a dark and evil manner)? Clickety click on the piccy.

Hurray!

2006-10-07T23:33:00.000+01:00

Thanks to Telly Addict I have spent a very pleasant evening watching the GREEN WING DVD!!! Well actually we only watched the first 3 episodes but hey, any port in a storm. I knew my desperate post would bear fruit!

Self restraint...

2006-10-05T21:47:00.000+01:00

...I haven't got much. This week the DVD of the second series of the fabulous (if somewhat inappropriate) Green Wing was released and I am trying so desperately not to buy it. This is because I know that there is one episode still to come, which has not been shown on TV, and which is not on the 2nd DVD. As a result, once that episode is shown, chances are they will release the whole caboodle in a box set. I love box sets! There is such a sense of completeness and neatness about them so I am trying to hold out, but it is killing me knowing that it is out there, with all its wonderful deleted scenes and commentaries and behind the scene action! (I do realise that some of you are now sitting there trying to decide whether the word "geek" or "nerd" is most appropriate for me or have lost any respect you once had for me - I promise you I'm not like this about many things!) I will try to put it from my mind.

Highlights of the day.
One of the chidren wrote in their book that Queen Victoria's uncle was the Duck of Kent, which tickled me, mainly as I like ducks and was pleased to think that one might once have been in charge of Kent. In other news I sent one of the boys in my class out to do some spying (long story) and dressed him in a top hat and shawl so as "not to draw attention to himself"! Fortunately he saw the funny side: I have been quite hyperactive due to tiredness.

Well, I'm off to bed. Busy day tomorrow and I might pop into Morrisons after work to just have a little lick of, I mean look at the Green Wing dvd!

Sleepy today...

2006-10-04T17:46:00.000+01:00

...I have a severe case of weekfiveoftermitis which is very common in teachers (somehow weeks 6 and 7 never seem so bad!)

Today we made clay people in the style of Giacometti thinking about how we can portray emotions in the person's body language. Mine looked tired! So far, none of their heads have fallen off though which is an improvement on last year. I will try and take some photos when they are finished: they really are a thing of beauty!

Fun lessons... why do I bother?

2006-10-03T17:39:00.000+01:00

Ok so today, while the other children were in assembly (or assemberly as they call it) I had a small group of children in the classroom with me to practise some maths and this time I was giving them real life problems to solve (never say I don't learn from my mistakes!). Anyway in such a scenario I often make up problems regarding the group of penguins that lives in my back garden. Those of you who have even on ounce of common sense will realise that of course I don't have any penguins living at my house but for some reason the children always go along with it. I might even dare to say they enjoy the penguin problems.

Anyhoo the first couple of problems I gave them involved a large number of the penguins flying south for the winter. At first they didn't bat an eyelid and dutifully worked out the difference between the number of penguins before and after, then much hilarity ensued when they realised that a) penguins apparently already live in the south and b) penguins can't fly. Seriously, their sides were splitting about that.

Apart from one boy.

Stoney-face boy.

The lesson continued as follows...

Amiable teacher: Ok people, how about this one. (reading off my little whiteboard complete with sketch of penguin). I bought 176 turnips to share between my 6 remaining penguins (I know, I know, but I have to entertain myself somehow and there is something inherently funny about turnips). How many would they have each, if I shared them equally? Now before you start, who can tell me what we are actually being asked to do?
Stoney-faced boy: (hand in air) I've spotted a problem with this question too.
Amiable teacher: Oh, what?
Stoney-faced boy: (Stoney-faced) I don't think penguins like turnips.
Amiable teacher: No, you're right. They probably don't. How would you work out how many they had each though?
Stoney: (turning to his whiteboard, chuntering quietly) they probably don't want any...
Amiable teacher: (Encouragingly) Choppy choppy!
Stoney: (really grumbling now) I don't like turnips either I don't think.
Amiable teacher: (losing rag slightly but in a sort of calm, sinister way) Well then, hurry up or you can eat the remainder.

It didn't seem to matter that there were no real turnips in sight, the threat of the remainder was enough and he finished his work. His grumpiness really amused me.

On a good note, "Not Connor" (see previous post) actually did some work in two lessons today. Also in science we were investigating how the shape of a foil boat affects how many coins it will hold before it sinks. Needless to say, we spent a fair while pouring over a tank of water filled with bits of silver foil. It made me glad I don't work in an office and they would almost certainly not pay me to make foil boats and then sink them whilst humming the tune from "Titanic".

The weirdness of children

2006-10-02T18:31:00.000+01:00

There is something about spending your days shut in a room with 25 little people that can make you feel as though you are losing your mind. Actually, let me rephrase that. There are many things about spending your days shut in a room with 25 little people that can make you feel as though you are losing your mind.

One of them is maths.

Last week we were learning about division and multiplication and we have a pretty funky way of dividing larger numbers (not long division thankfully, never did get the hang of that!). Anyway I asked the children to create some "real-life" situation division and multiplication problems that we could put on the wall for the other children to solve. This was all seemingly going well until I called one child up at a time to type up their problems when the following occurred...

Amiable Teacher: (to small blonde boy) So, what is your problem? (tittering to herself at the fact that statement can be taken two ways!)
Small blonde boy: (veeeerrry slooooowwllyyy) Well miss...there were... 243 children...
Amiable teacher: (fingers hovering impatiently over the keyboard but smiling beatifically) yeeeeessss...?
Small blonde boy: and each of them wanted a metal arm. H...
Amiable teacher: (jumping in confused) ooh, is that one of those toy things?
Small blonde boy: (patiently) No...it's an arm...made of metal. With a hole at the top!
Amiable teacher: Oh I see (not really seeing at all). Well, the thing is, that sum would just be 243 times 1 wouldn't it?
Small blonde boy: Yeeesss
Amiable teacher: well, it's just... that's quite an easy calculation isn't it?
Small blonde boy: (humouring me now) I know.
Amiable teacher: (desperately thinking of the 23 other children's problems yet to discuss) Well, couldn't they want four of something? That would be a good calculation wouldn't it?
Small blonde boy: (Disgruntled) Alright. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm........... hmmmm.....urrrrrrr......... (Amiable teacher begins mouthing the word "sweets" over and over in an attempt at subliminal messaging)....ok. Four swords!
Amiable teacher: (putting aside all the practicalities surrounding one small child owning 4 swords, let alone 243 of the little blighters) Fine! Well done, off you go!

Needless to say, once he was out of sight I changed the word "swords" to "sweets" and everyone was happy. Well, I was anyway.

Ironically there is probably a policy somewhere telling me that I should not be encouraging children to fantasize about sweets during maths, but healthy food such as carrot sticks. Even more ironically, I sincerely doubt that anyone has considered the perils of 972 swords in such a confined area (let alone 243 children with metal arms for goodness' sake!).

Dear Tony Blair...

Normal service?

2006-09-29T19:22:00.000+01:00

Well, the last couple of weeks have been hard. Really hard in lots of ways but I know that many of my friends have had a much tougher time. I have come to some realisations about myself. I'm afraid I am not really the sort of person who can pour out my heart through my hands via the keyboard into cyberspace. I'm aware that lots of you are and it's fine by me, I have sat at the computer this evening, reading friends' blogs, and sobbed at their heartache and my heart breaks for them but as those of you who know me well will know, I can't be serious for long. Not because I don't feel stuff, or think about important things, but because I need it interspersing with light relief: it unclogs my head and stops me drowning in indecision, or sadness or confusion.

Think of the pratting about, if you like, as some sort of emotional arm bands and the bigger the difficulties, the more armbands I need. I simply can't be eloquent about things that are really important to me, such things turn my faculties to absolute mush. It's just how I am. So I'm afraid - excuses made - (ab)normal service resumes as of whenever something happens that I want to blither on about!

So what now?

2006-09-25T20:30:00.000+01:00

It's hard to know what to say after a weekend spent at thanksgiving services for people you wish were still around. Standing at the front looking into the faces of people who miss them even more than you do and whose lives will never be the same again. However, I now feel even more privileged to have moved in the same circles as Chris and Matt having listened to countless people sharing memories of two such wonderful people. It also reminded me that there are some jolly wonderful people still around me. So beware, if you are one of the unfortunate people I count as a friend, I fully intend to appreciate you a lot more in future (probably in a really irritating fashion) and to lavish my time, ill-conceived cookery ideas and favourite DVDs on you whether you like it or not! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

A sad week

2006-09-14T23:16:00.000+01:00

This week the world lost two people who I was proud and privileged to consider my friends. It seems surreal to me to be writing this as I still can't really believe it. One minute they were here, the next the were gone. I feel their loss in my guts but not yet in my head. Chris and Matt were wonderful men of God, full of humility, patience, humour and well-placed irreverence. The world is a sadder place without them but heaven had better watch out. Never have I known two people capable of causing absolute mayhem whilst looking as though butter wouldn't melt! I will miss them both.

Christmas time is here again...

2006-09-09T13:46:00.000+01:00

...at least it is according to my local Morrisons. Today, whilst enjoying this beautiful, balmy September morning, I popped in for a croissant and was amazed to discover that I could have bought not only my "Pirates of the Carribean" advent calendar but also some Lindt Reindeer and one of those fantastically huge tubes of fruit pastilles that, for some reason, only appear for the festive season. I'm not really complaining about this, it's just that sometimes it makes me feel like the walls are closing in on me a bit! It's only September!

Those of you who know me well will almost certainly be thinking what a hypocrite I am as I complain about the early onset of Christmas pressure but am always delighted when, on the 3rd of January, in amongst the reduced price crackers and battered rolls of wrapping paper I discover a packet of Cadbury's mini eggs!

However, this year as part of my life-improvement plan, I have decided that, rather than rail against this consumerist, pre-pre-Christmas pressure I will go with it... ride the wave as it were. So I will be popping back this afternoon to purchase not one, but 4 Johnny Depp advent calendars. One for September (bit of catching up to do there), October, November and finally December. Heck, why not 5 advent calendars? After all something's got to keep me going in January between Christmas and the advent of the mini eggs!

The best laid plans...

2006-09-06T22:32:00.000+01:00

Well, having spent an hour yesterday remaking all the stuff I made on Monday but including the new child's name he arrived this morning and the meeting went as follows...

Amiable teacher: (smiling graciously despite the added workload, Mary Poppins eat your heart out) How lovely to meet you, you must be Connor!

Connor: (shaking nervously) No

Amiable teacher: Oh dear, I'm sure that's what it said on the form I received.

Not Connor: (Brightly) Connor is one of my middle names: I've got four! (smiling proudly)

Amiable teacher: (under breath thinking of all the books she has labelled) *$^£%@ (&(£*$&@"**

Needless to say I have spent yet more time today remaking all the stuff I remade yesterday which was already a rehash of the stuff I had made on Monday. I have pratically used the entire year's budget on laminating pouches because of one child (with too many names) ! I know, I have no one to blame for this but myself.

Working Girl

2006-09-05T21:37:00.000+01:00

Well, I have survived a whole day at work and did not manage to stuff anything up, which is very good news indeed. My class were fairly lovely and quite amusing (one of them told me that the force that helps boats to float is called "upper-crust"!) I was however, quite distressed to discover that I have a new pupil starting tomorrow! I mean, what on earth is that about? Did his parents not realise until today that they had a child of school age? (He's ten!!!) Why couldn't he have started today with everyone else? Why? Why? And he's got a naughty boy's name!

I am of the opinion that having a new child in your class is every bit as scary as being the new child in the class!

Poor child, I suppose it's not really his fault his parents are disorganised. I will try to be gracious!

Time for school...

2006-09-04T18:19:00.000+01:00

Well, that's it. The last day of the holidays has been and gone and today I had to go to actual work! I made the most of my last weekend by staying up really late last night which was pretty stupid to be honest, as I was totally cream-crackered today. Fortunately today was just for staff, so no children till tomorrow which I suppose eases you in more gently but to be honest it is more interesting when the children are there. At least my classroom looks like a real classroom now and not the hovel it resembled 6 weeks ago. THANK YOU RACHEL!

I was really saddened to hear of the death of Steve Irwin today. Whatever you may think of some of his antics I always found it really refreshing to see someone who was so passionate about his job and wasn't embarassed to show his enthusiasm in an age where it is so decidedly uncool to be enthusiastic about anything. Such enthusiasm is infectious and I personally need people like that in the world to remind me how wonderful our world is and that it is worth protecting. It saddens me to realise that loads of the kids I see every day only seem to be enthusiastic about their PS2 and how much credit they have on their phones! And as for me, I'm not even passionate about THAT!

On a lighter note (I am aware that I was verging on a "Dear Points of View..." moment then!) I had a very bourgeois pie, sorry "tartlet", from Marks and Spencers for tea. Is it just me or does goat's cheese always taste just a little bit like you would imagine a goat tastes like? Same for sheep's cheese actually. In fact maybe what I should be considering is whether cow's cheese tastes like cow but I am just so used to it I don't notice... hmm.

I may ponder that further if I can't sleep tonight.

Starting from where I left off...Croatia and dodgy Eastern European Alckyhol

2006-08-31T22:09:00.000+01:00

Welcome to my new blog, don't worry about taking your shoes off as long as they're not too muddy. Cup of tea?

Well to reiterate from my old blog, I have been back from Greenbelt (www.greenbelt.org.uk) for 48 hours and have nearly succeeded in getting all the mud off both myself and my personal possessions! I have also managed to upload all my holiday snaps into photobucket so if any of you are having trouble sleeping, check out http://s100.photobucket.com/albums/m16/oakhallcroatia/ ...

Nothing much else to say really, apart from, no, there was no Fanta Pink in Croatia. Nor was there any Fanta Madness although there was some disgustingly lurid-looking blue Fanta which I did not risk. Nothing good can come of consuming stuff that is that colour!

Hmm, have just realised that in my previous post I did not mention my brush with Eastern European alchohol. As you probably know I don't usually drink alcohol at all due to not being able to bear the taste of it. However, one night, in a local restaurant the friendly waiter gave us all a free drink at the end of the meal. I'm not exactly sure what he gave the boys (perhaps someone could confirm?) but the girls were given a sort of honey brandy type thing. Well, feeling rather brave I decided to taste a little bit and, as it tasted like Benylin rather than your traditional alchohol taste, I managed two mouthfuls before I decided that it was too disgusting to drink any more. All was well until about 15 minutes later when I experienced a very strange sensation in my neck and a wierd fizzy feeling in my head... followed by an inability to move my arms as they had seemingly been replaced by the arms of a geriatric woman who had spent far too long on a trapeze that day. You will be pleased to know that within 12 hours my arms were totally back to their normal state of those belonging to a non-trapeze artist geriatric however I will not be downing shots of Benylin in the foreseeable future!

The seemingly innocent "Slavko".

Little did I know of the evil intent lurking in his wicked Croatian mind.